: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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