i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
