I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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