I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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