I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
