the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
A+ Viking dick
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