roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
