Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
