dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
