I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
