New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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