You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
