I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
