im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
