There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
