Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
