That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
