Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
