I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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