didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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