I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
