I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
