My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
