found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
