You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
