Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
