i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
