Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
