I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
