he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
