On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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