I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
