Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
