I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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