Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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