You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
