Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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