Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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