im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
