Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
