They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
