we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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