So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I will be naked everywhere
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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