And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
