I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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