yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
