I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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