You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
