sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Someone came in the potted fern
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
