Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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