dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Randomize
