For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
