just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
