um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
